Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
