i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
