I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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