ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
