At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
