i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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