I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Houston, we have a squirter
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
