I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My penis needs a shock collar
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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