Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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