please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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