Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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