wat bout pragnant strippers??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
