i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
