Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
