gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
