My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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