If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Congratulations! We have a period
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
