ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
