sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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