I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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