This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
