I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
