Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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