I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
