I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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