dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
