ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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