you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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