lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
