I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
