How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
