she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
