there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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