I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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