we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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