Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
