if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
