also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
