I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
