i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
