Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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