I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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