I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
