just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
