last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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