Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
