Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
