I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
