Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
