garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
