Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
