My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
