you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who wears a wallet chain?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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