my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
