I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
