They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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