is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
