Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
