thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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