They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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