i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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