You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
