They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
