We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I want her autograph on my taint
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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