I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
