I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
