help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
