My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
