If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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