I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
