Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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