Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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