New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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