he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
