When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
