omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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