I wanna bring you to show and tell
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
