Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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