when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
