im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize