Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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