I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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