dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
