I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
