I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
sex in a hospital.. check
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
