I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
