Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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