Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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