I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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