After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize