I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up under a house in Key West
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
